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Question:
My child is such a perfectionist and asks so many questions that it drives me crazy! Everything has to be just right or she complains the whole day. I find myself yelling at her when I don't mean to. I just want a good relationship and a fun summer, but she's such a loner! Why is it like this and what can I do?
Answer:
It appears that your child may have a high "C" personality style. Some "C" definitions are Competent, Conscientious, Calculating, and Careful. "Cs" need quality answers, excellence, and value. You, on the other hand, may have the more Inspiring, Interactive, and Influential "I" personality style. "Is" ideal environment is fun, friendly and exciting!
The most important thing we should learn about our personality differences is to stay in control and appreciate each other. When you parent a "C" child, you feel their focus on quality. "Cs" ask many questions because they need many answers! Hang in there. She wants to understand how things work and the proper procedure for everything.
Remember, your child's not acting this way to drive you crazy. Give her special attention by making distinct plans to spend quality time together. Because she prefers private time and working on tasks, she may have to be persuaded to understand the value in this. Use carefully chosen words to express encouragement and reinforce that sometimes everyone makes mistakes. That's how we learn and grow.
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Question:
I feel like I'm in competition with my teenage daughter. We're both very outgoing and have lots of friends, but she gets mad when her friends (guys and girls) give me more attention than her. Her friends say I'm a lot of fun and they like being around me! They even like the way I dress! What do I do about my daughter getting so jealous?
Answer:
It sounds like the two of you could both be high "I's." You probably have a lot of fun together when things are going well between you, but compete for the limelight and attention otherwise. Ask yourself, what's more important here -- my relationship with my daughter or my relationship with her friends? If you're an "I," you love friends and fun, but you must tone down your "I" personality style a bit and focus on the "mom" role. Her friends may be around in the future and they may not. Think long term. You want your daughter feeling safe and loved, not in competition with her own mother. Enjoy plenty of friends elsewhere. Supporting and building your daughter's self esteem for the future must be a priority today.
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Question:
Why is it such a battle to get my son to do his homework? He's always on the go with friends and procrastinates doing what he's suppose to do. I was never like that as a child and always did my homework right away. It's so frustrating!
Answer:
What you may be experiencing is your son's high "I" personality style - outgoing, preferring friends instead of completing the necessary tasks at hand. Your role as a parent is to help set guidelines and perimeters for your child. That doesn't mean to expect him to act and think like you do -- homework will never be a priority like it was for your personality style (High "C?"), but your strength can help him succeed by establishing consequences and rewards. Understand, high "I's" love attention and rewards! Mini deadlines (instead of the typical -- night before it's due!) and your ability to pre-plan can help propel him to homework success!
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Question:
I am supportive of my very driven husband in all his exciting business ventures. However, it worries me that he makes too many quick decisions without thinking and we get in jams. Why does he do that?
Answer:
It appears that your husband may have a high "D" personality style. "D's" love challenges, taking charge, and accomplishing new and exciting things. However, their motto could be, "Ready, Fire, Aim!" given their desire to fire ahead at all costs. The most important thing we should learn about our personality style is to stay in control. A "D's" out of control ambition and determination can be dangerous. However, a "D" remaining in control can be amazingly productive and successful as long as they think through the consequences ahead of time.
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Question:
I am supervisor in charge of about 45 sales people. What can I do to motivate the sales people who don't like to go out and make calls, visit customers, etc.? They're good at submitting all the required paperwork, whereas the people who do well in sales hardly ever get their paperwork in on time. Help! I don't understand!
Answer:
The high "I" personality styles are great with people. They love to talk, talk, talk. "I's" are outgoing and it is very difficult for them to do what is normally classified as the reserved "C" type detailed work. This is precisely why the sales reps who do their paperwork ("C" behavior) on time don't do as well in sales ("I" behavior). The "C" personality style is more task-oriented than people-oriented. They might consider and discover that they're more successful in a task-oriented type position instead of sales. This isn't to say that we can't have a career in a position that's opposite of our personality style, but we generally find our happiness lies where we fit the best.
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